Treating Sexsomnia

Ever wonder how to treat Sexsomnia?  Do you are or someone you know wake up feeling like something does not feel quite right?  Have you ever woken up and realize that you are having sex?  Or what about missing items around your house?  Sexsomnia aka sleepsex is a very perplexing condition that affects roughly 8.6% of people that have sleep disorders.  Pretty scary, huh?  Well then, how do we treat sexsomnia?  

Sexsomniacs Journey receives messages every week from sexsomniacs or people who know someone who has sexsomnia asking about how to treat sexsomnia.  I have spent incalculable hours researching sexsomnia, not only how to treat sexsomnia but how to best increase sexsomnia awareness.  This is one of the largest areas of focus in my life and one that I am extremely passionate about.  Unfortunately, sexsomnia does not have a cure-all silver bullet.  However, by banding together and sharing our experiences with one another we will learn what treatments work best for us and be able to share this information with Doctor’s about how to treat sexsomnia.  (Share Your Story) 

I was diagnosed with severe Sexsomnia in 2006 and know all to well the trials and tribulations that face Sexsomnaics.  I know what it feels like when you experience an episode and the deep depression that ensues.  I understand the thoughts and emotions that plague you.  Constantly wondering what is wrong with you, how to treat sexsomnia, asking yourself why this is happening, and whether or not you will ever be able to live a normal life or if you are always going to have look over your shoulder because of sexsomnia episodes and facing each day with anxiety about what happens while you sleep that you cannot control.  I am right there with you and that is why Sexsomniacs Journey exists.  We are here for you and will do all that we can to assist you through your current struggles and journey together on the same path to understanding and healing.  (Sexsomnia, Are You Doing It?)
I cannot offer you legal or medical advice. However, I can suggest that you seek out people who you have had prior romantic relations with and ask them if sexsomnia episodes occurred during the relationship.  The starting point should be your current relationship if you have one.  Then work backwards in chronological order.  (Video: I Have Sex in My Sleep) 
How to Treat Sexsomnia
1.  Get to know Sexsomnia.  Read the sexsomnia definition and feel free to ask as many questions as you like in our forum The Sexsomnaic Experince located on the right side of you screen.  Dr. Michael Mangan’s book [amazon_link id=”1401037666″ target=”_blank” ]Sleepsex: Uncovered[/amazon_link] is another great place to start.   Get to know sexsomnia better: read Sexsomnia Overview
2.  Learn about Triggers.  Read about Triggers and how to address them.  This is a short list of triggers and if you know of more please share them with me and I will update the Triggers page.  Thank you. 
3.  Ask Questions.  Ask as many questions you like in our forum The Sexsomniac Experience.  You can also ask questions by using the comment box at the bottom of every post, article, page, and video as you read the great posts, articles, and news on our site or as you watch the excellent sexsomnia videos we have.  Feel free to share you thoughts and opinions with us.  Sexsomniacs Journey is a safe and friendly environment that is here to support sexsomniacs, those who love us, and the curious.  No question is stupid and no question will go unanswered.  (Dating Sexsomniacs) 
4.  Discuss Your Concerns with Your Primary Physician.  I realize this can be an unnerving thought and that you may be uncomfortable discussing what you are experiencing with your primary Doctor.  No worries… You will find a list of the most well-versed and prominent Doctor’s currently studying sexsomnia below.     
If you are comfortable consulting your personal physician about sexsomnia then that is great.  Hopefully he/she will know about sexsomnia or at least heard about the condition. They may not know how to treat sexsomnia but they should be able to refer you to a Psychiatrist or Psychologist that is very familiar and knowledgeable with all matters of Sexsomnia.   (Video:  How to Talk About Sexsomnia) 
5.  Do Not Despair.  If you are uncomfortable approaching your primary care physician about sexsomnia, its ok.  There is nothing wrong with that and it is completely understandable.  In any case you will find a few well-known psychiatrist’s and psychologist’s that actively study our condition below.  I do not know what their rates are or if/ when they will respond to your inquires.  The ones I know about are:
Dr. Michael Mangan           
Dr. Colin Shapiro                 
Dr. Carlos Schenck              
Dr. Michel Cramer Bornemann
Dr. J. Paul Fedoroff             
Dr. Sharon Ann-Marie Chung
Please note that Dr. Colin Shapiro is the head of Sleep Ontario Clinics.  For reference I have provided his staff list.  
If you contact any of these Doctor’s or any others please share you experiences with us.  Thank you. 
6.  Share Sexsomniacs Journey with everyone on all your favorite social media.  The only way we will ever increase sexsomnia awareness and get our ailment taken seriously is by sharing Sexsomniacs Journey with everyone we know and asking others to visit us and learn more about our condition.  For convenience  social media sharing icons are located on the bottom of every post, article, video, and page.  Please make it your daily or weekly mission to share your favorite posts, articles, videos, and news via your social media accounts.  Thank you.  (It Happened to ME: I’m a Sexsomniac!)  Join our FREE Newsletter and Keep in the Loop!  

I hope this information is of value to you and that it will help you on your path to understanding and healing.  The aforementioned Doctor’s repeatedly come up in my ongoing research into Sexsomnia and they all have participated in various clinical studies regarding our disorder. 
Sexsomniacs Journey is up and running and I am continually updating the site and increasing its overall functionality and user experience.   I believe it is best that we team together and make it a better and stronger online community to increase Sexsomnia Awareness.  (NOTE:  If you are a Doctor, a Programmer, Computer Science Major, or otherwise very well-versed in website design/ layout, marketing, advertising, or SEO please contact me directly at subject line: Want to Help.  Thank you)  
Will you work with me to improve Sexsmoniacs Journey and increase Sexsomnia Awareness together?   
I look forward to hearing from you soon.  
Keep your head up!! Take care and be well.  
This post does not constitute medical or legal advice in any form.  
Suggested Reading: 
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How to treat sexsomnia, treating sexsomnia, sexsomnia, sexsomniacs, Colin Shapiro, Sexsomnia Awareness


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6 Responses to Treating Sexsomnia

  1. Adrian says:

    Hello I’m not very good at english since its not my first language so sorry for the spelling. Well I’ve had sexomnia for about 3 years now as far as i’m concerned, I didn’t find out I had it till a few months ago where my now ex girlfriend complained about me to cut back on having sex in the middle of the night, I never believed her because of course i never really remembered and i’ve been told the same thing in the past from other girls but always brushed them off till my now ex recorded the interaction and i honestly was so scared. Just watching myself doing all those things like being controlled like a puppet and eventually she came up again and started doing some research and found the name for it Sexomnia. Just about everything on the very small research pool on the subject my girlfriend checked off, except for the fact that i dont drink or anything like that. This thing put a dent in our relationship and well I eventually accepted it as for it is treatable not curable, the way that i deal with it in my new relationship is when i started dating again after coming to terms with sexomnia was one’s something started to get serious on the relationship i guess i kinda just brought it up as a warning, we talked about it and my partner was intrigued by it and accepted it also, like of course there’s times when she wasn’t in the mood but i’d engage for the most part she’d just tell me to stop and i would but for the times where i couldn’t stop it she’d just leave the room or so on, 99% of the time she didn’t mind it and we’ll have tons of communication about it while laughing at it the next morning. I know i’m just rambling but finding someone who accepts me for me brought me light in my life. I do research on sexomnia to see if anything else changes on it, like a cure for it but for now being open with one another in the relationship and usually sex before sleep normally doesn’t trigger the sexomnia for the most part. But again my partner enjoys it and don’t feel guilty about it as i used to, I don’t sleep anywhere if my girlfriend is there by my side, it’s a small price to pay to the problems that potentially sexomnia can cause. Hopefully my rambling helps someone not be too traumatize with sexomnia.

  2. Ittino says:

    I only recently became aware of this condition. 6-8 months into my marriage my wife complained of me cuddling and waking her up all through the night. It progressed from there to (she tells me) fondling her breasts or even violating her with my hands and fingers. I always have no memory of the incidents. She tells me we had full on sex at least once as well. We’ve been married 2.5 years now, and just last week I grabbed her breasts and squeezed hard enough to leave finger marks and then bit her on the breast hard enough to leave a bruise. She apparently yelled at me and ordered me back to sleep, and I did so. She’s amazed that even yelling didn’t wake me, and it scares her.. a lot. Always in the past it’s been just an annoying cuddling or a slightly more insistent humping or reaching under her clothes to feel her up, but it’s never been truly painful like this episode. I feel terrible for hurting her, and know I could never do that awake. I still feel guilt though because if I would’ve paid more attention to this problem when it was just annoying (cuddling) and then sexually abusive/intrusive (sex, feeling her up, etc.) I don’t think I would have hurt her.

    Notably, and I hope this is helpful to someone, ALL OF MY EPISODES ARE RELATED TO THOUGHTS I’VE HAD. Also I have never previously exhibited ANY parasomnias of any kind– I’ve never sleep-walked, never sleep-drove, I’ve never even snored (apparently if I start snoring I will unconsciously stir enough to stop).
    But like I say, they’ve all been related to thoughts. Before in our marriage I wanted to cuddle more, and so would dwell on that. Soon enough I was doing it in my sleep. Then I was feeling largely sexually unfulfilled, or that my wife did not want me to touch her– and so I would imagine/fantasize about doing so and that she wanted me to, and again, that soon manifested itself in my sleep. For this most recent violent episode, I had been having a recurring thought of roughly taking ‘control’ as it were, grabbing her breasts and looking her in the eyes to let her know that my intention was to ‘take what I wanted’ basically.. although in the thought I always would stop at this point and ask for consent, at least by monitoring how she looked and reacted to me as I would be looking her in the eyes. I had this thought probably 5-10 times over the last month, and the night of the episode I told her that I wanted to bite her as well.
    My subconscious, however, didn’t stop to assess her reaction, nor did it moderate my strength and instead decided to squeeze as hard as I could, and then followed up with the aforementioned bite, albeit also with exaggerated strength. It’s so hard to come to terms with this. I never wanted to hurt her, that was never part of the idea/thought. I can’t handle the blame or the shame I feel…. I need her to forgive me so I can forgive myself and fix this.

    My plan for treatment has a few bullet points as it were. #1 is to moderate my thoughts. Being a faithful/religious couple, both my wife and I were virgins before marriage. I was very very careful with my thoughts, and almost never gave in to thinking sexual thoughts of any kind before marriage. After we got sealed I largely let myself go in that regard and often would enjoy remembering sexual encounters or think of new things to do etc. etc. and would find quite a bit of enjoyment in fantasizing about sex in general. The fact that all of my sexsomnia episodes have directly reflected previous thoughts, and that I never had any signs of sexsomnia before marriage and even 6-8 months in leads me to believe this (moderating my thoughts) will be successful. Because I am a man with at least normal libido [if not more], I’ve decided that when I do want to indulge in sexual fantasizing that I will simply Talk about it with my wife instead of thinking about it alone. Last night I was feeling very high on the libido scale so I called her (since I hurt her she’s been living at her parents sadly) and explained to her in great detail all of the sexual things that I wanted to do, probably for a good 2 to 3 minutes. Honestly it was much more fulfilling than thinking about it on my own. Also note, I almost never wake up during the night. Probably less than once every 6 Months do I wake But, get this, LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP at 3:08am and felt those thoughts I had discussed with my wife coming to the surface. It’s like the switch was thrown to engage in sexual activity but because I had been talking about it and considering it completely, my prefrontal cortex was alerted to that behavior and hence woke me up to continue considering it. Had she been in the bed with me, I would have woken up, considered the sexual urges I was feeling, and then probably smiled and simply gone back to bed because I don’t want to wake her up generally. This gives me a lot of hope! If all I have to do is go back to my habits before marriage of putting those sexual thoughts out of my mind as they come up– because hey, I’m a guy.. they definitely come up; but it’s my decision to dwell on them or not– then I can definitely cure this. Besides, as I mentioned, talking about those thoughts with the woman of my dreams is infinitely more fulfilling than just dwelling on them by myself.
    Bullet #2 is to fill myself with the light of the gospel. I’ve been praying more fervently/frequently to our Heavenly Father, and have made sure I read my scriptures, and not just a few verses– now sections at a time or chapters at a time, and I’ve found that that DRASTICALLY reduces my stress and makes my sleep much better too, the opposite of the two main culprits of triggering sexsomnia episodes (I don’t drink alcohol or smoke or do drugs of any kind, don’t drink coffee, tea, and I don’t even like most soda [caffeine makes my heart beat noticeably faster and makes me feel anxious typically] so I don’t have to worry about those possible triggers; I’m also rather skinny [6’0″, 155lbs] so don’t have any sleep apnea problems either)
    Bullet #3 is professional help. We’re meeting with a professional tomorrow morning, so I’ll reply to my comment with what happens probably tomorrow night or at the very least, sometime this week.
    I hope that helps! We’re smart people guys, and we can figure this out. A solution has to exist, we just have to find it!

    • Ittino says:

      Well, the professional we saw didn’t know much about sexsomnia sadly. In an effort to control the urges however he recommended we have a “sex fast” in that we not have sex for 90 days. My libido of course balked at the idea but it is indeed a good one– consciously controlling my urges for 3 months should make it much harder for my subconscious to wrest that control back from me.

      He also felt that I’m having a hard time coming to terms with or taking responsibility for the fact that I did indeed hurt her; whether I meant to or not, I certainly did it, and I need to comprehend how this episode and the less violent but no less abusive previous episodes have been affecting her and how they’ve made her feel.

      I brought up that Klonopin or Clonazepam has shown to be quite effective at preventing sexsomniac episodes (as high as 90% in some studies, close to 70% in others), but since he knew little about the condition he recommended that I see a psychiatrist who specializes in parasomnias. I’ll research one in my local area and after I find a good one and see him I will again reply to my post– perhaps my journey to taking back control of my body will enable someone else to do the same.

  3. ParasamniaSoll says:

    My situation is very different than most. When I first found out I had Sexsomnia I had already begun being sexually assaulted for a while and was unaware. I believe many ex-boyfriend was showing men to take advantage of me. Ever since we broke up I’ve been followed 24/7 by strange men. My car is GPS’d and I’ve endured strange electric shocks in my scalp. I end my work shift at 11:15 PM and from that moment every night I’m chased every place, ensuring these head pains until I’m completely exhausted. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m afraid to sleep at home overnight bc I’m afraid of all the strangers breast my home. I resulted in sleeping in Wal-Mart parking lots, Publix and at WaWa had stations thinking that bc they all have cameras I’ll be safe but that doesn’t matter, even sleeping in hotels don’t matter when it’s you that will leave, subject yourself to perfect strangers them have no memory of it the next day. I only get 3 hours of sleep max. I’m a human garbage disposal and don’t know what to do bc I went to the hospital with semen on a napkin that I found on my leg upon waking and they treated me like I was crazy. I know this story sounds far fetched but it’s true. If you want to see come to Clermot, Fl at 12AM in the morning and you will see them running me everywhere until I fall asleep in front of some store awaiting them to send a trigger while I snore.

  4. Shelbie says:

    my name is shelbie and ive recently found out ive been touching myself in my sleeo for the past 3 months. it didnt start until my fiance and i of three years broke up. we use to do it like rabbits honestly…. sometimes 2-3 times a day and now that were broke up and that doesnt happen i guess ive subconsciously started trying to fill that void… but i NEED to know what i should do in order to fix this….. please help

  5. Brittany says:

    Hi I have had this issue since I started dating. I recently found out that I’m molesting my husband and have been for years. This condition scares me immensely. I am afraid of falling asleep around anyone but my partner due to the fact my husband and I have sex on occasion and I don’t even remember it at all. I’m terrified that I will be rapped in my sleep not because the person is intentionally doing it but because I initiated it. I just want it to stop. Am I alone in this fear or am I being paranoid.

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