Ever woke up to a stranger in your bed only to realize that you had sex with them? Find unexplained used condoms laying around or clothes that do not belong to you? No memory of it? Sounds like you may have Sexsomnia.
If so, then what you have just experienced is a sexsomnia episode. (Sexsomnia aka sleepsex is a sleep disorder that causes a person to engage in sexual relations with no memory of the event.)
I have found it extremely beneficial to keep all information available from my episodes. My primary source of information is e-mail communication. I have saved all e-mails ever sent to me from a Sexsomnia Episode. I keep a journal of all episodes and for the ones that do not have e-mail. I keep meticulous notes about any abnormalities found, the date, time, location, along with type of mood I am in and what I am thinking and feeling.
Not only have I found this instrumental to my healing, as I am able to comb over, in detail, what happened and institute safeguards to assist in alleviating further episodes but also to have a record of how many episodes I have had, well at least the ones that I was contacted about.
Sometimes the only clues I have found that point to episode are things moved around, missing, and a sensation of disorientation, fatigue, and confusion upon wakening with a haziness feeling for most of the day. Kind of like if you were struck really hard in the head and had a bad hangover. Similar to what most people describe as feeling mentally cloudy. (Sexsomnia Overview)
I have found it equally as important to assess what “triggers” were pulled leading up to the episode. In my case, it is normally a culmination of triggers being pulled at once or successively over a period of time. I have observed that my episodes do not tend to occur immediately after a trigger is pulled. It is very important a sexsomniac learn their triggers and be brutally honest with themselves after an episode happens. Then the sexsomniac will be able to discern what led up to the episode, what triggers were pulled, and what safeguards can be put in place to mitigate a future episode. Please know and do not get discouraged if you have an episode after this is done. We have sexsomnia. Sexsomnia is like cancer. No cure exists and though treatment regimes may work for some of us it does not work for a lot of us. Like cancer, sexsomnia cannot (currently) be cured and the best we can hope for is a form of remission.
I will be sharing some of my episodes with everyone (not mentioning names or locations) to better assist others that are working on understanding and addressing their Sexsomnia. We are all in this together and together we will get better by sharing our experiences and what really works to prevent future episodes. Please do not be shy about posting comments on posts or sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in our forum (The Sexsomniac Experience.
At this point, a little insight into my life will greatly assist the context of the future posts. I was married at the time had, and still have, a very, very close friend that has been of unparalleled tremendous assistance to me and been instrumental to my understanding of sexsomnia. My marriage ultimately met a very unfortunate demise not long after due to sexsomnia and other personal and professional reasons. My former wife and I have two kids. Due to circumstances beyond my influence, I am not permitted to see them or speak with them. My former wife and Doctor’s beleive it is best for their emotional, mental, and psychological stability and health given their ages. I miss and love our kids immeasurably. I wish her and our kids the very best and I will always be available to them should they desire to have relationships with me in the future.
Sexsomnia is a very difficult to cope with, not only for the sexsomniac but for our loved ones and the ones who love us. It is not a condition to be taken lightly, ridiculed, or subjected to the indecency of a bad joke. For those of us truly afflicted with the mental disorder, it is the most arduous factor of our lives. Relationships fail and careers suffer, not to mention our own mental, emotional, physical, and psychological health deteriorates.
I began this site as a means to bring together other sexsomniacs, those who love us, and the curious minded. It is my aspiration to bring awareness to our plight (Sexsomnia) and to see the mental illness listed in the DSM-IV as recognized and serious condition. (EDIT: 4 Jan 2013- the DSM-V has been finalized and scheduled for release in 2013. Unfortunately, Sexsomnia is not yet identified) Then, like autism, breast cancer, etc… may it be taken seriously and appropriately addressed by medical professional’s.
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I look forward to hearing from all of you, reading your responses, and listening to whatever else you would like to share.
Take care and be well.
I have found the following books useful:
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